#abd i couldnt go back to sleep

[walnutcookie]

im so sleepy helbp

[bingusbongu]

A/n: whoa!!!!! I didnt expect my sun and moon post to blow up in a day! Seriously yall- you guys are amazing- as a bew tumblr writer, it makes me really happy and want to continue! So, as a treat, i present to you......

SUN AND MOON IMAGINES!!!!!

May you enjoy your feast my children

IMAGINE you coming in early to work, clocking in just to see your favorite animatronic jester. You two were very close, and you found yourself wanting to spend more and more time with him

When you open the door to the daycare and call out to the jester, its almost immediate a response of 'SUNSHINE?!' and a happy 8ft tall robot sprinting towards you

He scoops you up into a hug, giggling and smiling with pure happiness, after you allowed Sun pick up hugs, he now picked you up every time you enter the daycare, and hugging you tightly, before letting lose and excitedly babbling how excited he is to see you, while not putting you back down on the ground. And you just listen to him list every idea he had for today and the little ones.

IMAGINE when the daycare opens, and the kids are playing and running around playing games and doing weird macaroni art. Sun couldnt keep his eyes off of you.

He would watch you tend to an argument that sparked between two kids and a toy. He would watch as you gently calm the situation down abd find a solution to make both kids happy. He dosnt even realize his rays spinning and his fans whirring until a kid points it out, and he is a flustered mess.

IMAGINE a kid walking up to you and Sun. You asked what the kid needed, and he just points up at Sun and flat out tells you that 'Mr Sun has a crush on you'

Sun becoming a stuttering mess as his fans kick in attempt to cool his system as he quickly tries to deny what the kid said, covering his mouth with his big robotic hand, as he giggles nervously

You couldnt help but giggle at the display of Sun frantically trying to get the kids from telling you that he had a huge crush on you. So, to make matters worse, you said 'oh i know, i like him too' before walking away to go deal with a macaroni art misshap

Sun standing there completely stunned as he watches you walk away. Feeling as if he completely had overheated, as his gears hummed loudly in his body and his sunrays spinning in an constamt speed

The kids wouldnt stop singing about Sun and You sitting in a tree

IMAGINE when naptime roles around, and the kids had grown tired of running around and teasing the poor daycare attendant. As they crawl into their little comfy cots in the napping corner, all snuggled into their blankets after you tucked each and one of them comfortably

as the lights flickered off, and the nightlights flickering on, Moon emerges ingo the corner with a hum. As he tries to settle the rest of the kids to bed, they beg him for a story. Moon, having no choice, grabs a childrens book from the little shelf they had and began to read to the kids

He would flip the book around so the kids could see the illustrations of the book while he reads out the words and acts out the voices, getting thekods laughing as they grow tired. Until the kids would start yawning and laying their heads down to rest

Lifting his head up from the book to make sure tge kids were okay, he noticed all of them sleeping peacfully. He was about to close the book, before he noticed you sitting infront of him with a gentle smile and your full attention on him, asking him to continue the book

He would stutter in suprise, preventing his voicebox from glitching as to not wake up the kids, and cleared his nonexistent throat to keep reading to you, looking up at you occasionally, just to see your face looking down at the book and moon. He couldn't help but feel his wires spark inside him every time you giggled at his hushed voices

IMAGINE Moon and you carefully leaving the naptime corner, so you two could talk without disturbing the little ones rest. In hushed voices, you both chat happily away while joking with one another

Moon absolutely adoring when he manages to get you to laugh at one of his stupid jokes. Admiring the smile on your face and how you grip your gut snd your other hand over your mouth to prevent yourself from laughing to hard and keeping yoursel quiet

IMAGINE you and Moon playing a game together ad you liked to do during naptime. A simple game of hide and seek where you go hide, and moon crawls around to try and find you. The fastest he ever found you was ubder 5 minutes, because he could sense your heart pounding

Regardless, you get better abd better each time. Memorizing the play structures each time you did, and how to distract moon by pushing stuff over as a distraction for you to move poditions. You learned to keep moving and not stay in ons area for two long

But no matter what, Moon will always find you in the end, adding another win to his win streak smile. And of course, he teases the heck out of you for being third place(because Sun likes to participate)

And Moon alway snatching you out of your hiding spot and dragging you somewhere else, and youre used to it so you dont fight it

IMAGINE Moon huffing when he realized soon he should wake the kids so you and Sun could get them ready to go home, but he hates having his time with you ended.

So instead, he will sit on the floor with you as you both waited on time. His head in your lap as you pet his metal forhead in soothing circles. You dudnt know if Moon could feel it, but you still did it anyway. And, just with your touch, it makes his purrs vibrate even louder if it wasnt already. With the biggest smug grin on his mechanical mouth

IMAGINE after the Kids are woken up gently by the two of you, helping them fold up their blankets abd cots to make it all nice so its one less thing the attendant has to worry about

Moon will always grumble about not being happy that Sun gets more tims with you, but you reasure him that you always stay for awhile befoe heading home to spend time with your favorite jests

But, just a minute before the lights going out, you pressed a soft peck of a kiss on the Moon mans lips, causing him to freeze and his gears stopping for a moment in stunned silence. Before Moon could say something ot ask for more, youre already helping a kid and the lights back on

IMAGINE as Sun gives the last child to their parents, a big smile on his face as usual as the parents thank him and turn to take their kid back home with smiles on their faces.

Sun would sigh happily as he watched the family leaving, feeling a strong pain in his chest. Whipping his head around to make sure you were still there witg them. And of course, you're cleaning off the arts and crafts table He smiled in relief at the sight of you desprately trying to get glitter glue off of the table.

Before you knew it, you had arms wrapped around your waist and pulling you into another pick-up hug. Pressing your back to his face as he giggled happily. Praising you with compliments about how you were today with the kids. And of course, when you compliment him back, he gets so goddy and excited, he squeals and just hugs you tighter

Before your words came back into his mind, making his hands fidget as he held you, becoming less tighter than usual. And you noticed, asking him what was on his mind. He tried playing it off but gave up when you gave him that look

He gets all stumbly and tries ro express his words, but it only comes out as gibberish. The wirring of his fans not even helping the situation one bit. Trying to figure out how to ask you to give him a kiss like you did Moon

And thankfully for you, you almost immediately caught on and smiled softly, finding Suns actions adorable, making you giggle. Having to put your hand up and cup Suns cheek to get him to stop rambling and get him to focus on you.

Once you had his attention, you lean forward and press a kiss to tip of Suns metal lips, just as you did moon

_____________

Waaaa hope you enjoyed!!!! Sorry for my grammatically errors, i may be an American, but im not great with that

Have a good day/night!!!!!

Sun+Moon: *lovesick idiots*

Y/N: *just an idiot*

[caruliaa]

okay i really truly need to go to sleep it is literally almost 2am and i have to get up kinda early tomorrow so .lmfaooooo clearly bad choices were made JSJSKS… anywayyyyy im really sorry i couldnt message much today:((( !! but i really missed you and i really enjoy sm whenever we go get to talk and chat and you are just such such a good friend and you are so so thoughtful and considerate and understanding and make my world sm brighter and my days so much happier and make me feel so warm and safe…! and youre also a really really incredible good person pink:33!!!! and i really sm hope to be such a good friend to you and make you happier and feel supported and cared for and stuff and just!!! i love youuuu i love you smsmmm:’33333 (hugs you v v much babes if you wanna!! 💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💗💕💗💗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💗💕💗💕💗🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻💕💕💗💗)

yayea i went to sleep at 1:30 and had to be up at 9 today.. i immediately fell back asleep and woke back up at 10 FGHDFHGDFG but its okay we left on time still so !!! but ya !!! FHGFG nd ya i rly wish we cld have messaged more today and just in general through this whole timei really have missed you so so much ns i wish we cld talk more and ik weve both been busy but yea :(( and omg i enjoyed it sm too when we got to talk today abd just in general whenever get to chat like it rly does just brighten my day and my life soso much my dearest and bring me sm joy and warmth bc u rly are just such a wonderful friend my dearest and make me feel so so loved and cared for and safe and happy with you and are so kind and caring and thoughtful and considerate to and of me and it really does jsut mean the world to me and also just like hearing your thoguhts on stuff anf abt ur day is just always so amazing and such a highlight of my day my dearest and i really do just love you soso much and i hope you know thati m soso glad that i can be that same to you becuase you really do deserve it and becuase i really do want to so so much my belvoed and i hope you know that just you raeally do mean the world to me and i really am soso glad and greatful for you and i hope you know how much i really love so so much dearest i really really do !!! :'> *hugs you back so so much v closley if u wish !!* 💗💗💗💗💗💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

[switchblade-guy]

So. I tried taking my first moonbath ever. The fullmoon was really big and bright and it was a good opportunity to clense crystals and make moonclensed water. I gog some tips from a friend on how to do it but it turned its back on me.

After my moonbath, the headache i already had worsend to an extreme and i decided to sleep downstairs on the couch in our living room because i couldnt stand the moonlight in my room (my blinds r kinda shitty)

I had the worst headache in years abd was on the verge of thinking it will never end (its still not completely gone either)

It might be negativity i was getting clensed from but i doubt that. Maybe it has to do with the fact im a wolf therian? Or that I might even go as far as to say im a werewolf (i really felt the urge of whining like a dlwolf and had the feel it made shit better?? Didnt really though...)

Anyways, im afraid of drinking the water i clensed on my windowshelf and im afraid the moon doesnt really like me. Anyone who has an idea what was going on because I never experienced a headache so bad that i hallucinated and thought I was dying and im pretty sure i either did something wrong or im really a werewolf;;;

[pbandjesse]

Im half falling asleep right now. Today was a really long day abd it was good and fufilling and i feel happy but man am I glad to be in bed right now.

I slept alright last night. It was not easy to wake up though. Just mentally I was really stressed about my mouth. And so when my alarm went off I snooze it for 15 minutes. It helped a little. Let me come at the day quieter. I got up and dressed. Felt really cute. My hair was cooperating and i felt good. I made breakfast and headed to work.

I got there so early that the building was still locked. Weird!! But i got in. And my morning was mostly setting up tables and chairs until me and one of the new guys, Brandon, could get to training.

He said I was a good teacher, which always makes me feel really good. But I'm not worried about him. Hes gonna be fine. We had 2 canneries and it was good and the kids were sweet. I forgot a few things because its been so long but we had fun.

I also brought in my book and showed that off. Pointed out places I was talking about the museum. It was fun.

I finished up a couole minutes early and was able to leave and bike up to the bus stop gor the noon bus. But when I got there there was a whole lot of cop cars. Because the homeless lady thats usually around the cornee attacked someone. So that was wild.

And it had gotten really warm. It got almost up to 90. I saw an old lady passing out at a bus stop with a cop helping her. And the school had locked down the basketball court because it was to hot on thr blacktop. It was crazy.

I got our stuff set up. Did the boards. But it wasnt even 1 yet. So I had lunch. And i just skated in the back on the small blue board. Just back and forth. It was fun. Silly and fun.

I accidently got locked in thr closet by the cleaning machine Ms Jenn rides around on. So our start of the day was a mess. I couldnt get any of our art stuff. So we went outside early.

And that wad fun. Skating with the kids. Teaching them power pulls. It was good.

Dinner was solid. But they had no drinks for the kids which was horrible. But we found cups and handled it.

Art time was fine. We had some issues and some of our kids are going to take a break. Because they have just lost their marbles a bit. But we made art and it was good.

I got rhe early bus and got home with enough time to feed sweetp and did my make up. And then i was off. I met up with James and we went to Red Emmas for dinner with his parents. His sister and her boyfriend were supposed to come but couldn't because of classes. But we got lots of differnt foods and it was really nice. Our waitress was sweet but obviously stressed. Like she had customers yell at her recently. I hope she is okay.

We went to a puppet show called "marooned". It was about an astronaut getting lost in space. The astronaut was a real person. And thrn the puppets eere mostly alien or robot. But it was great and i had a really good time. I love getting to see these strange things with my favorite person.

James and me walked to his place so i could get my Shelby and then he walked me home.

I got a shower and now I'm resting. Tomorrow im going ti take a family photo of my collection of robots. And then go to the flower mart. And then I gotta go to the dentist again. Im not looking forward to that at all.

I am,going to paint my toes and go to sleep. I hope you all get good rest tonight. Stay sade out there.

[newlife-whothis]

Ok, my mental preparations for tomorrow. I just recieved e-mail with details of my departure. I’ll be leaving at 13:30 which is too soon for me. I hoped for a later but why wait, right.

So I have to remind myself few things. I am used to this.

I already went to croatia by bus once and I was ok. 5 yrs back or so.

I went to Sicily 4 yrs back and I already had anxiety at that time but in Sicily I managed that perfectly. Abd that was really stressfull since we traveled from city day by day in country we dont understand the language and where english wasnt usual and buses were everything but on time.

When I was in my teenage years I went to netherlands with my uncle by car. There and back.

I went to england just by myself. Flying in plane without having friend with me and was in england like that for a month. And what is more surprising I enjoyed it so much I was crying when leaving. A little. Because I felt special being there? Because I was goung back to reality?

I was in germany for s month. It sas quite close to czech but I was there completely alone and to be honest I was counting days til I leave. But I managed that.

When I was only 16 I went to Ireland for a month first time without family for such a long time. And I loved every second of it.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT. I know I can even enjoy it if I want to. Everything is just in my head. I AM STRONG. I AM the freaking leader in most situations.

I love sea. The air, waves, the smell (food). I will be fine.

My friend with social anxiety who was afraid of going out just by herself to buy food just told me that yesterday she came home and realized she need something to drink and bread and that she just went without thinking. On her way she realized that she did it she just walked put of her apartment without thinking and stressing around.

That’s it. So simple.

It´s just some part of our brain that keeps holding us.

After I’ll come back I will be so much stronger. I think that after I’ll manage this trip I wont let my anxiety hold me back no more. I will be back completely.

Maybe it’s the whole plan after all. I thought this year will be the one where I will make it. Where I will get rich and succesfull. It seems like that in december. And january. But I guess you cant be succesfull when you keep your demons instead and you are afraid to step up. A d that is probubly why this year is supposed to be about building myself. Finding myself and letting go all of my fears. That’s why I was waking up every morning to spend half an hour comuting to school to “my” ukrainian kids. That’s why made a new identity and realite that now I’m building myself as a real mature persona. Without past that should bother me.

I’m not sure whether it was coco chanel or marilyn monroe (and im not going to search niw) who said sonething about girl cutting her hair and changing something. It couldnt be more true.

I was with kids for almost a week in mountains. My first big step. And I was perfectly fine.

Now this is the last test I’m going through after that I will be free and strong.

My plan:

CBD since morning, I will be bathing in cbd probably if i have to

Work - i will do all the things I need to get dobe and dont have time for them

I already made a playlist of music that U’ve been listening to before and make me feel good. Rocknroll baby.

I will draw john lennon (and some fashion sketches?)

I will download audiobook or something I can try to sleep to.

I will be chatting with eva and some friends

I will write

I will contact Vero - I just thought about it while writinf this- i want to be friend with her and I can lead really meaningfuľ concentration (and feel something else

I will be friendly -probably start conversation with others on the bus from the vegan group so we can get to know each other.

[colbertmmunist]

I wanted to sleep longer but i had a nightmare abd i havent been able to sleep since And when i first started typing all this up it was like 6:50 A.M. in the morning so that’s problematic because that means i only got about four and half hours of sleep and also everyone i wish was awake isn’t awake right now It’s too early to be awwake

Anywways there wwwas judt this gigantic fucking spider, like abnormally huge, about half my size, that just . appeared out of nowhere when ii was in the bathroom and i was obviously terrified and so i ran out of there slamming the door behind me thinking that would make me safe and contain it but i was wrong i went to my bedroom and it appeared again, and this time it didn’t stay whole, it just... separated into a bunch of parts to bother me in individual ways, one part of it was flying around the room making terrifying buzzing noises and occasionally divebombing me, one part of it was on the wall on the side of the room i was on, crawling towards me really fast, and another part of it was on the wall opposite from me, crawling really fast bakc and forth, and another part of it was on the floor near the door crawling around in fast circles as if to intimidate me too much to leave the room so there were all these fucking pairs of disembodied spider legs with the one goal of making my life a living hell and it worked very well, it all scared rhe living shit out of me i would cower in fear under the covers of my bed so they wouldn’t find me and hopefully go away but then i would use the flashlight on my phone after peeking out from underneath the covers but they still found me even though it was dark, it made no difference the problem with cowering under the covers was that A: it didn’t work very well and B: it made me too hot and i sttarted sweating in addition to trembling and i fucking hate sweating so i was like fuck it and ran towards the door, narrowly escaping the spider legs and running to the living room and my mom was there and i asked her to help me but she blew it off and acted like i was being overly dramatic and blew it off and told me to kill the monstrosity itself even though i couldn’t and refused to even look and so i ran to her room thinking they were contained to my room because i hadn’t seen them follow me whenever i looked back, but they appeared again and kept bothering me and then i woke up shaking it was one of the most hellish nightmares i’ve ever had if this is some kind of symbolism/metaphor for my problems, it makes sense but thanks i hate it

[pseudodeepwords]

thoughts from a head in the clouds

okay, context: i got a little d9 dab pen at the gas station and took too much and decided to document how i felt because it was crazy. here is what i wrote, unedited and in its entirety. please be merciful.

hi tomorrow morning aubrey its me 10 pm high aubrey

in case i dont remember:

took more hits than with haz previously and took some pretty big preheated hits and holy shit dude this is crazy

i wasnt sure if i was high before but i for sure am high as hfuck now i was gonna fix tha typo but i didnt feel like it. same for that one idc so idk if im gonna fully remember this but uh

vision kinda goes in and out in a groovy wave pattern. very 70s fashion inspired stuff

everything is going in and out a little bit. like sea spray on glass. oceanic themes are also present elsewhere. if i try really hard i can make myself stop for a second before doing it again but i keep waving my torso around like im in a boat or a tube or something. like in galveston when the waves kept knocking me arounf or in kiowa that sumer with emma and caroline and i dont really know why but it's nit unkpleasant.

i care less about the typos right now but i promise im fixing some of them. most of them.

i realize i might pos this on my tumblr maybe and its gonna sound fake and crcinge and 2014 and thats okay becasue right now i think it;s really fun to documnet it. thats why i write. its for me. its almist never for anyone ekse and i dont give mysekf credit for it. it's beeen about seven minutes since i starged typing but it feels much longer. it's easiet to sto swayin gand things are almost back to normal speed. not really tho. kind of. lol

im sad haz isnt here. they would probably have been fun to talk to. im thinking about trips i didnt tell dad i was taking.

like the lake with haz a couple weeks ago when we got minecrafgt steve stuck in that pothole and those really nice okies had a tow strap theu used to save us and like that timw i told dad i was in austin and instaed i went with my friends i hadnt seen in two years to galveston so i could traste the ocean and the sea salk breeze for the very first time and even though it was galvy water and i got sick afterwards it was still the sea and i didn't sleep because i forgot my sleeping pills and i thought about will the whole time because i loved him so much and it hurt so bad but it was still better than being numb like i thought id be without him like i was without him that i let it go on too long and killed whatever else we coul have been.

like that time i told dad i was going with ally to abilene and it was her idea and we had a friend out there and i really went alone to see b for the first and so far onky time and even thouh it was miserably hot and i got so dehydrated i got a uti and we couldnt have as much evil sex as we wabted it was so good and i am so in love with him now but this time he does not love me back and i dont jnow if it scares me or not because the last two loved me back and still left so whats this gonna end jp being anhwaus but i dont care because i think i love him even though i feek like we dont know each other that much and im onkyt just now realixing that but i dont care i dont think, i think im reading too deeo unto my own insecurities and we just are what we are thats something sam would say and i trust him even though im still hurt but not realy

im still upset with sam but even more upset with mysle fbaout it. i cried about mom the ither day for the first time in a whike

am i a abd person? do i miss her> i think i do bit i can barely remember her. why wasnt i allowed to be a whole person

why did i always have to be alone

did i do it to myself

where did it get me?

it got me to kiowa and the worst sunburn of my life and it got me to galveston when i was supposed to be in austin esveot no i wasnt and my car needed an oil change but i didnt wanna get one so i was reliant on others for transportation and i remembered how much thar sucks because i want to be able to leave on my terms because god fucking knows i never have been afforded that kuxury before. it got me to abilene. it got me to will and sam abd fucking matthew and all that shit. i dont know if i regret any of it or all of it or none of it. i cant tell anymore if i think im in love with b or if i just need to be wanted. i tjink right this second im leaning towards tha latter but thats bc im emo and lonely. forgot how much distance sucks lol. someon e tected me

it was emmy from tinder. shes nice.

it feels like im a diver. water. remember this was about water,

i wish haz was here they could talk me through the emo patch i know it

i trust them so when they tell me i deserve love and knowin the wouldnt keep me around if they didnt love me in their own way i have to eblievve them theyre my best friend and id probably kill myself if they died bc i really could not live withougt them theyre maybe the only person i think has ever actually seen me or even come close to seeing me without leaving me theyre so importan to me haz i hope u read this if i post it on tumblr ur my platonic soulmateb my twin flame whateber the fuck idk how i would go on without u for real ur my eternal shoulder to cry on and u know me so wekk and care about me even when im a bitcbh ilysm

ally also i love u even when u are devious because of your occasionally unchecked mental illness ilysm

i forgot i was wearing a shirt bc the yellow light frin the screen on thsi white tank top looks like my sking lol

im gonna turn this smocsh video compilation on and tru to sleep lol see u in the nmorning sober me xoxo maybe we dont do that much along next time to avoid the esy mood shifys shawty

i love water i love my friends i love the people i love so much and i love being a diver in secret becuase its just for me and nothing else evr seems like it is. i do not deserve salll the bullshit i went throgu and i deserve to be happy. i hope i find that soon.

[bingusbongu]

A/n: goodness im on a role tonight! Ive actuslly felt like writing! Here is my absolute favorite comfirt nerd, and his dating headcanons, goodness dont we just love our nerds<3333 i know i do! May rewrite tomorrow! I wrote this as midnight lmao, prolly many mistakes!

TW: MENTIONS OF MURDER, ABUSE, KIDNAPPING, ABD BLOOD, aslo fluff:)

Dr. Flug relationship headcanons!

• honestly, Flug still dosnt understand how he managed to het together with you

• he figured out he liked you awhile back, but thought he didnt have any time for love at first, until you waltzed in and made his heart spin in his own chest

• regardless, he still gets so incredibly nervous around you, he cant help it! He has this overwhelming sense to impress you in every way possible, whether that be showing you his latest invention, or just him doing something incredibly dangerous infront of you, nearly giving yourself a heart attack

• when he did that and it came out successful, you ran up to him to make sure he was okay, blabbing about how he could have hurt himself.

• flug was confused, until his heart skipped a beat in realizing that you were worried

• you were worried about him

• no one had ever cared if he got hurt, neither did he, he just took care of it himself. But you, you were the first person to actually care for him, to look over him in panic that he was harmed

• if he wasnt in love to begin with, he was sure as hell in love now

• you cared, geniunly cared about him, and you were so nice to him

• whenever Blackhat would use Flug as his own personal punching bag, you were always by Flugs side instantaneously after, already taking care of him and patching up his wounds. No matter the amount of blood, you did everything you could to help him, in any way you could

• You were helping him, a insane maniac, a killer, and yet, you showed not a hint of fear

• he was completely head over heels

• Sometimes (alot), Flug would end up working himself down to thd bone, to where he was on like his 9th cup of caffine just to finish a project

• and you would try to persuade him to go to bed, snd when that dosent work, you take the initiative

• you pick him up, and drag him away from his work

• he was hardly much weight at all, so you could easily lift the frail scientist into your arms and take him to bed.

• he would try to struggle, but he was obviously way to tired to protest, and just let himself sink into your arms and rest his head on yoir chest. If he wasnt so tired, he woukd be a flusterd mess, but he was exhausted

• you thought Flugs bed would be way to uncomfortably for him, so instead, you took him to your own. Laying him down on your comfy bed and tucking the poor guy in, and as soon as he hit the pillows, he was out.

• and when i say out, he was completely and utterly knocked out, dead asleep

• when he woke up, he nearly paniced, but realized it was your room, only for him to go into even more panic when he found you laying in bed with him reading a book

• he frantically tried to say sorry and get up, but you were quick to grab him and pull him back to your bed, soothing him and telling him to go back to sleep

• he would protest, but... he felt oddly safe, something he hadnt felt in a long time, and with you there, it felt... nice. As soon as he layed back down, he passed out once more

• from then on, he would occasionally ask to sleep in your room, because he found it more comfortable, and it was a safe place for him to go

• Flug is ever so greatful for you and your kidness to him, he was so... lovesick he couldnt help it. Youre the first person to treat him with kidness, what do you expect?

• when you two get together, Flug woukd be very clumsy. He dosnt know hardly anything about love, he just gets so nervous

• Your going to have to reasure him and make sure he dosnt overwhelm himself

• he is alittle hesitant with affection, despite how much he craves it, he is still unsure, sincecso far all the touches he has gotten fron people were bad

• so you were determined to show him you werent gonna harm him in any way

• your first act of affection was slipping your hand into his while you were walking together. He sputtered incoherently, and nearly bluescreened. But instantly, your warmth soothed him, and he found himself softly holding your hand back

• kisses are a different thing, he gets so nervous when it comes to that. The thought of kissing you makes his heart thump so hard it makes his body shake. He is way to flustered to actually do it, especially a kiss on the lips, he wasnt ready to show you, yet

• and of course, you did the first move, and after a mission, you lightly kissed the top of his bag before bording the ship

• he stopped working, and nearly passed out

• he was a completely flustered mess around you after that, he lovedthe contact, but was so afraid to ask you for more, so he just clamped his mouth shut

• you only realized ome day when he had stopped talking about his day and his gaze landing on your lips. So, you leaned over and kissed him on his bag where his mouth would be

• god he was over the moon

• he feels so safe around you, its the first time he had evr felt that way, he appreciates how being in your presence just makes him calm, or when he is paniced, how you calm him down with loving and gentle words.

• geniunly adores you and everything you do, though he always wants to make sure youre safe, if youre going to be his safe haven, je needed to make sure you were safe, aswell.

* always has a hatbot watching after you to make sure you are okay

• dong blame him! He is worried!

• the first time yall cuddled, Flug was so confused, he had came to your bed to sleep for the night, and you invited him closer

• he obliged, but almost instantly, you carefully wapped your arms around his back and pulled him close

• he was blushing maddly, unsure of what to do, as he tried to pull away but couldnt. He body instantly sank into the comfort of your own warmth, trapping him andhis touch starved self into a hug

• maybe it was fine for one night...

•it happend almost evry night, and Flug loved it. Secretly, ofc

• thr first timd he verbally asked was when he was do exhausted, and wanted nothing more thsn to go lsy down with you and cuddle, (as in cuddle, i mean snuggle his head into your chest and pass out)

• Flug trusts you, youre tge main person he has actuslly ever trusted. You help him in so msny ways

•not to mention you let him ramble about his inventions and plains to you, he liked impressing you, he loves how yoi would sit and listen to him talk and rant, even allowing him comfort and a shoulder to cry on

• you would hold him as he cried and rocked him tell he calmed down and fell aslesp

• He didnt know how much he truly needed you, someone to love him

• geniunly, he feels so lucky to have you in his life, someone who loves and cares for him instead of breaking him into further pieces, you actually tried to glue Flugs pieces back together yourself and it was working

• Flug adores you in every way possible, he is so in love with you, he felt wanted

• especially when something happened to you, and you immediate came to him of all people, to him

• it made Flug feel special, that you chose him, not someone else, he dosnt feel like he deserves it, or deserves you

• but you are bound to do everything in your power to show him how much you loved him

[violetnaps]

ok great something similar happened again last night i was lying in bed in my dream (exaxtly like how i was lying irl) and suddenly the fan sped up by itself? got rly loud? and i was like oh shit oh fuck something is wrong i gotta get up abd i COULDNT like i felt very? heavy? but not exactly, like there was some resistance or somethiing?? also i have to force myself to stay awake like my body really wnants to go back to sleep so i try to get up for a while and finally manage it and go to my parents room bc im a fucking baby nd the living room door is open which is weird bc its usually shut at nighy but theres no lights on so i just kinda rush past like ok if i do not look there is nothing there yes perfect logic. so i go to my parents room and yheyre not there turns out theyre in the living room?? redecorating??? its 3am???? then right aftrr i find them i wake up in bed again. in my dream not in rl. so i try to get up again bc the fan is speeding up and getting louder again nd this time i actually wake up in real life. what the fuck

had the wo4st nap ever

[tumblunni]

Bunni continues to play Richard And Alice! Random thoughts and stuff!

* I’m really not good at point and click advantures, so i dunno if my opinion is very valuable, but this one just seems... not good, gameplay-wise. The sections are all different lengths and difficulty levels in each chapter, and not in a fitting way. Like so far the only one where I had to combine two items was the first chapter, it took me ages to figure out what the game wanted me to do with the bedsheets. And then the second chapter had like zero point and click at all, you just had to find one toy brick and stick it to block one hole, then it was just story cutscenes. And now in chapter three we have a suddenly huge snowfield to explore with your painfully slow walk speed, yet there’s only like one thing you need to find and just... I’m getting surprisingly anxious worrying if I missed something cos i only found that one thing! There was a whole section i didnt explore cos i didnt realise you couldnt go back outside after you managed to open the door. And what was with the misdirect of Alice saying ‘maybe i can reach this window if i have something to stand on’ and then instead she just shot off the lock on the door? Does that mean there were multiple solutions to this puzzle and thats why the place was so huge?

* Anyway, the story continues to be intriguingly good! I continue to be really engaged in poor Alice’s journey through this post apocolyptic snow world with her lil son, and I continue to be really worried what happened to that son, since this is a flashback and Alice met Richard alone... Also I like the continuity that Barney is continuing to talk about the close call they had last time with a monsterous bastard who kidnapped them. This poor lil 7 year old is struggling to keep up and struggling to keep smiling so his mum won’t be sad, and its just SO COLD and he doesnt understand why they left ‘the safe house’ because he doesnt understand they were prisoners there. And god, its so sad cos you can understand how Alice might be getting frustrated with him, and you can understand that she KNOWS she’s being irrational, but she’s just so scared that she sucks at keeping up a brave face for her kid. But I think she’s doing a great job, she’s way more of a badass survivor than anyone else would have been in this situation! And Barney is being incredibly good too, he’s being really patient and obedient to his mum and he’s a really considerate kid, he gave his mum his toy car cos she was getting sad remembering when her husband was alive and they used to ‘go on adventures’. (”But we’re on an adventure now, mummy!”)

* And MAN I am REALLY WORRIED for this poor kid, he’s been showing signs of getting sick as they were travelling the snowy wasteland and I hope they can at least get a break now they’ve found this abandoned house to sleep in. BUT NOPE! Alice finds mysterious scary notes with some sort of log of... people...? It definately doesnt feel like just someone recording visitors or survivors they met, its got a weird sort of... priorities, to what was written down. ‘Fem. caucasian. 20s. Compliant. 65lbs.’ And then what struck me as especially weird was that someone would classify a kid as ‘Female. age 7. 21 lbs’ instead of like.. actually writing that it was a kid. This is someone seeing these people as.. merchandise. You never really get an answer in this chapter but I think it’s someone who was offering survivors fake shelter and then cannibalising them T_T The chapter just ends with Alice finding an ambiguously scary room with a bloodstain, but this is the only shelter they have, so all she can do is lock the door again so her kid doesn’t see, and barricade the front door in case this cannibal cult comes back for their home base... *shudder*

* But also seriously, why did I collect like five other red herring letters as well as the cannibal one? And a rusty saw and ammo for a different gun. Was that JUST red herrings or did I miss an optional puzzle?

* Its actually a weird relief to get back out of the flashback and back to our slightly-less-horrible horrible situation in present times. Sure, Alice and Richard are locked in prison, but in this apocolyptic scenario its a relief to be somewhere where you get daily food and working electricity. There’s even a tv that only sometimes doesnt work! And they have each other, and they’re building up a nice friendship now, and it just feels quite optimistic. Richard’s even getting a bit of a crush on Alice, even though the attempts at flirting between the two of them are failing horribly cos they’re both total goobers. i dunno, if they do get together in the end, I totally wouldnt mind it! I dont think its really necessary though.

* Aww but the more we learn about everyone’s backstory, the more I really wanna hug em! We still dont know very much about Richard, but we’ve learned now that he had an ‘average childhood’, at least, by his definition. And he lived in some sort of small country town, and he joined the army in order to see more of the world. But it went really badly and he got sent to prison for rebelling against a superior officer who made a clearly immoral order. JUSTICE FOR RICHARD, GRARR!! And then Alice continues to be way more well developed and interesting, even though I do still feel sympathetic for richard, yknow. Just a lil frustrated that it took us so long to even hear that lil bit about him, when he’s supposed to be the ‘main character’. Seriously he seems like just a framing device for us to talk to alice and see her flashbacks! Anyway, now we’ve learned that Alice didn’t have much of a childhood, because she was hospitalized for a long time. And she talks about how she felt like a burden and felt suicidal and how she never even got to make any friends til she grew up and became a lil more healthy, and then she sorta ended up in an unplanned pregnancy with the first man she ever dated, and never had a chance to pursue her dream career and just... wow Alice dear god, someone up there in the heavens hates you! God, I hope this game has an actual happy ending, please! And also it makes me EVEN MORE WORRIED about what happened to her kid, now im starting to worry if maybe he inherited her childhood disease and like.. it only first started manifesting during the apocolypse and she wasnt able to find a doctor in time.. or something... MAN THIS GAME IS GIVING ME A MILLION WAYS THIS SWEET BOY COULD DIE

* Oh but one random complaint... much as I care about Barney, he kinda isnt a very well written character. They fall into a lot of super outdated ‘fake movieverse child’ cliches instead of like.. bothering to listen to what actual kids talk like. He’s always using that fake cutesy talk like ‘i made you a waffle but i eated it’. Its rather jarring! ...but still I WILL DEFEND MY VIRTUAL SON FOREVER dont you dare kill him off just because his dialogue is poorly informalized!

* The next chapter is kinda boring, its not really even a chapter but just an intermission to show us some more gameplay and nothing else. Richard and Alice do nothing but have an awkward fetch quest to find enough stuff to make a pole to reach the termostat outside the jail cell, and then after all that it ends up failing anyway. I guess at least we do get a bit of character development cos we get to see them both frustrated and having a bit of an argument, then making up again, and etc. But meh, bring on the next actual plot flashback!

* “Why does Daddy live in the ground?”

* thats it im done this is how bunni is slain fucking hell

* god, I dunno if I made the right choice but I chose to be honest with the kid and try and explain what death is. I got to hear the backstory of how the dad died, so i THINk that was the right choice? It seems he died back when barney was too young to even really know him. It was at the start of the apocolypse and the family was doing semi okay living in a shared shelter with a bunch of other people. But then it was the start of government aid breaking down and society crumbling, and a gang stole the last food ration pack from them and the dad thought he could reason with them. And its just so sad cos Alice is thinking of all the ways it could have been prevented! ‘We’ve gotten used to surviving with less now, what if we’d just let that food go? we could have lasted’ And what if they’d shot first and asked questions later, instead of trying to be diplomatic. And apparantly back then things were a little less abd so there actually was a trader they could have got more food from, but resources were limited so they decided it wasnt worth it at the time. And the after the gang killed the dad and some of the other leaders of the shelter group, it seems like things just collapsed in a power struggle and thats how Alice ended up alone... And you just have this sad sidequest to gather flowers for his grave and then Barney is all ‘i dont really know him and i dont understand so i feel bad that i cant cry’ and then he’s asking if dead people can hear you from down in the ground. And I picked being honest again, and Alice didnt say yes or no, she just admitted that nobody really knows what happens after you die, and you have to choose what you want to believe. So Barney chooses to try and tell his dad about how they’re having a good day playing in the snow on this adventure, and Alice tells him that Barney’s grown up so big and strong, and Barney says ‘Yeah! Strong like a lion! Or you, daddy!’ and BUNNI’S SOUL SHATTERS INTO A MILLION PIECES

* i am gone i am deceased at this deceaseness aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

* And there’s like an optional note you can find that tells the story about some unnamed kid who was living alone with their friend Lucy and they were trying to survive without any adults to help, and its all SCARILY VAGUE and I hope we get to learn more about them later cos it just says how the same gang who killed the dad was just.. ominously circling around the area and Lucy was acting weird and then dissappeared, with a letter saying she chose to leave for [insert name of far away settlement here] but it was really suspicious and the unnamed kid thinks that the gang was threatening lucy and they must have kidnapped her and faked this note and then the diary just ENDS it just ends with the kid talking about how much they love lucy and cant live without her and we dont know if they found her or if she even really was kidnapped?? ITS SO VAGUE! its so vague that honestly im only just assuming the diary writer was a kid too, i mean maybe they were lucy’s parent or sibling or something? or maybe both them and lucy are older? but the way it was written sounded like they were like early high schoolers or something (then again this game is bad at writing kid characters so maybe not) I MOURN FOR YOU, UNNAMED DIARY PERSON AND LUCY OF MYSTERY

* OH GOD DOOM when it went back to modern day, now its got all mysterious and weird and sad too, AAAARRRGH the heroes are still in prison, but the guards have stopped coming to their cell and theyre stuck here scared and worrying and you dont know if the obvious has actually happened... i mean maybe the prison has been abandoned or everyone died and now they’re stuck here locked in their cell and AAAA eventually the cold will start seeping in and kill them too and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

* okay im gonna go get back to playing this game

[pbandjesse]

Its my birthday!! Happy 28th birthday to me. This is an especially special birthday because its 2/17/19 and I was born on 2/17/91. And it was very special because i got to spend it with my very favorite boy. I feel so loved and happy and it's just been wonderful.

I slept alright enough last night. James was accidently pushing me off the bed. And that upset me only because I was so tired but I didnt want to wake him up. And we had left the light on and i didn't want it to be anymore. I got up to turn it off and he stole more of the bed. So I had to wake him up enough to move. I slept alright enough.

He got up and went to check out the free breakfast, and I stayed in bed until like 830. I was basically dressed and ready once he got back and we decided to have the free breakfast. It was a little colder today. But no less beautiful. 

Breakfast was a waffle but it was sour tasting so i gave up on that, and we just hit the road. To Asbury Park!

A bit farther then James originally thought but thats alright. It was about an hour and it was nice. A calm drive. We Iistened to music and got to the beach around 11. 

Once we parked we went to the beach. The sand was very soft and a bit hard to walk on. We collected shells and stones. Some sea glass. Took pictures. I touched the ocean a little. It was beautiful. 

We went up onto the boardwalk and went to the pinball museum. We got wrist bands for a half hour of unlimited play and went in. 

It was busy but not horribly so. Im not great at pinball but it felt much less high stakes just being able to keep going. We played some non pinball games to. Like ski ball. And some baseball and golf ones. I really liked the pinball ones that you had to knock stuff down and the older ones that had the flippy numbers. I was the best at the golf game though and I had a lot of fun. We really could have stayed if we didnt have other plans. James had fun too. Im really glad we got to go. 

We walked back to the main street in search of food. And I got a little upset when we couldn't find somewhere without a crazy long wait. Finally though we found a french patisserie around the corner and it was perfect. 

There was live music. Everuthing was black and pretty. They gave us muffins with white chocolate butter and raspberry jam. I got a veggie buger and it was really great and i ate sime sugar cubes because I am a child. 

But it was wonderful and I felt really happy. 

We left there and headed back to the main street, to the paranormal museum. Its also a book store, so while we were early that was all good. We looked around. Watched some of thr video. And then hsd our tour of the museum. 

At first it was just us, but another couple joined us. The girl was very scared of everything and that honestly made it better. She had great reactions. I knew some of the stuff. Like the mourning jewelry and some haunted dolls.  But I learned some stuff and the place for sure had some energy about it. Im a believing sceptic if you know what i mean. But i felt very effected by the space. I got to hold one of the haunted dolls and was very jokey about it. But then I started getting hot chills all the way down my chest to my toes. And i didnt want to freak everyone out so i gently told the tour guide and she did some smudging of sage just in case. The feeling went away after that. 

It was fun and weird. There was a singing couch. And we got to play with EMF readers and i jokingly said i would check my furby and she set it out a whole bunch. So furbies are haunted just fyi. I had a really good time. At the end though both me and James knocked things over and made a ton of noise and thankfully didn't break anything but we couldnt stop laughing. 

We went to some antique places next. Toys and clothes and video games. At the secons location we went to i found a ring with a hand holding a ring and i loved it. I like hands in jewlery. And so James bought that for me. Im going to turn it into a pendant. Its from Germany and it makes me really happy. 

We made one more stops for a cupcake and it was messy but really good. And I was happy and in love and it was just really nice. 

We drove around the town and saw the big church and all the neat houses and it was just really fun. I had such a good day, a great birthday. 

We headed back to our hotel after that. It was a long drive. And we got a little turned around in the dark. James got a little upset at the beginning because we needed gas and were having trouble getting to a place. But it all worked out.

We listened to podcasts. Made one pit stop. And once we got back to town we drove around main street deciding what to eat. We chose an Italian place abd got fries and a salad and pizza, and everything was good. Service still weirdly bad in a fairly empty restaurant. But everyone was nice. And I was tired but with my boy and happy. 

And now were at the hotel. Getting ready to sleep. Tomorrow were going to walk around the town a bit before we go to the nature center and then back to Baltimore. James has given me an excellent birthday weekend. And I am so I grateful to him. And to everyone who sent me well wishes and to my family who I love so much. I hope you all sleep easy tonight. Be safe out there!

[lielisstrange-blog]

I came in with a storm 2182002 straight from the gods to a hospital in Maryville Tennessee

My existance called for change, leaving the couple im told to know as mother and father to divorce

I was put in a family of a brother and a sister and on one side i had mor cousins than i could count and the other seemed to be the ones who brought me here , with so many similarities with me

Growing up i was always smiling despite the constant aruging, verbal abuse, and later on physical abuse. I smiled becouse ,be it the gods, something told me id be just fine, that its all to change soon.

I was right.

Now ages 0-2 where pretty blurry

But from what i remember of 3-6

I met new siblings called step siblings and met this woman suppose to be a step mom. I didnt like them right away, i didnt really know why. But i treated them kindly likely becouse someone mentioned in a movie you should treat others how you liked to be treated. Now at this point i spent all my years in this big house doung whatever i wanted, i knew whats up and in this big house i was a bug but i was the king bee. No one ever stepped on my toes.

Now i didnt have much toys so i used my hands, i named them bith friends.

Which was kinda sad but they provided lots of entertainment when i was bored un school . I also spent my days watching drake and josh,icarly, and basically a bunch of nick and cartoon network shows from the 90s to early 2000s. One night i remember the mother coming to the house to sleep in the gym room. I had told her and my aunt that id sleep with them that night so i kept going back and forth rooms, aunts to the left,the other yo the right. At one point i got sick of it and sat in the middle of the hall looking out the door up the stairs directly obove me. I don't think i ever chose. I remmember mamaw worked for a jewlery company and we attended a christmas ball thing once, thus i descovored i loved christmas

Until around age 5, i realised i didn't care about school, loved christmas, felt lonely on Halloween and that everyone around me wasnt like me. Or perhaps i wasn't like them,,around that age someone who was suppose to be a cousin had me do some griss things with him. When we where cought with him on top of me, we where sat in the courner. Thats all that was done about it. Now ive always been very asexual, so i saw the act as a performance of sorts and truly didnt care as it ended shortly after. Until i was kicked off my thrown and moved out with the step siblings and that father. I was treated unfairly but found it hard to care. The step brother about two years older than me started demanding im to kiss him which i thought was gross. But he said if i didnt, hed tell on me. Given he was the favorite and had actual pull in the house i had no choice but to comply. Which i didnt but hed make me. At this time id go to the mothers house every other weekend to see my sister, eat pizza, and watch 90s cartoons or Madagascar. I swear i memorized that movie. Now the kissing eacalated through out the years into worse and worse things. But i honestly never put much thought in it. I was unattached from each side of the family already so i didnt care. My memory of these years are blurry due to repression. Not the kind youd think though.

See a memory that came back to me i was about age 7. I went outside in a fit and as i walked the wind seemed to kick up and i raised my hands at the side of me slowly making it kick more. I stud on a stump and remeber making a leaf tornado. I was very happy with my work. But at these times i was being told magic was evil from the mother. I figured it was magic, got off of the stump and stomped inside.

From 7-9 i descovored more abilities almost yearly. I noticed id think of a shows episode or a line in the episode and no matter what id see that exact scene the day of or week after. It happened all the time. Id also be sitting in the car on hot days wanting a drink but knowing enough that they'd never stop for drinks. Id think this or a specific question about a person ir thing and some out, like my brain would go silent fir a moment. Then right after, one of the people in the front seat would ask that question, anwser it,or announce we're stopping for drinks.This happend so often that i assumed they had mind reading powers,i even asked them. They always said no thiugh.Another one seemed to be just magic ,like id want something to happen and the moment im not thinking about it, it just happens. Which sounds amazing but keep in mind i was trying to repress these abilities as much as i could along with memories of them so itd build up. Like when you're young and mad you might think about wanting something bad to happen to somone whoes mean to you. Now with this ability if you wanted it, just for a second, its long enough to do damage. Which,wasnt fun. Also one day i had a watch and said out loud that id descovor time... perhaps i have a time ability. I forgot to mention, when you try to repress things like this, you get KILLER headaches all the time. Like yiu cant run or jump or talk loud without feeling like your head was going to expload. I also made killer storms when angry. And i was always angry. But my abilities are fight or flight activated so itd never hurt me. Sometimes id black out and look off in a direction and use one of my powers. Like i couldn't control it, it had to get out. One time i was in a car, got angry, abd looked out a window,my mind went silent as i looked at a truck that was suppose to stop at a red light then looked at the tip of our car slowly until i was blasted back to reality as the truck hit our car. We span to the middle of the road, the two people in the frount seat crying and screeming as i sat their completely untouched with a shocked look on my face.

I remember the mother teaching the brother hiw to ride a bike,she didnt have time to teach me as well so i looked at what they where doing, hopped on my bike and flew down the hill. Now i didnt exactly know how to stop it so i mightve went down the hill straight into a tree. However, i got back up laughing my ass off and learned those little grippy things on the handles can stop the bike when needed. I then knew how to ride the bike and went flying down the hill again.

Now from 8-10 ish we lived in a house on a hill with a creek at the bottom and a church to the side. I spent those years unallowed to get on the internet, loving tv, trying to gather enough food to actually eat, saving pinnies to get 15cent candy and ever ran a little store to cell old toys. We also had an old schoolhouse in our backyeard and woods to play in, which i did often. It genuinely felt like i was growing up in a different time period as i hunted for crawdads and heard the rasist or homophobic rants from the father and step mother.

Now from about 8-11 i was shown back to the future, doctor who, and the joy of mac and cheese by my sister. The 9th doctor was my first him id seen, and i loved him and the show. Because up until this point id felt alone but he made me feel completely not alone. I also descovored i wanted to be a scientist, not even really knowing what that is yet. The gross things stopped for the most part. Also i picked up a camera phone for the first time making a video where i killed a stick and even crushed a berry to make it look of blood.

I thought it was so badass. At this point id visit the mothers house everyother weekend and sometimes go to mamaws every other other weekend. Mammaws being where my thrown originally was, although they moved to this town called oak ridge. Now i loved oak ridge. It was the original time bomb town. Ive also always had a weirdly strong connection to albert enstine whom was there. I swaer i genuinely was Nikola Tesla in a past life, he was an asexual scientist with cool hair and pure sass. The mother also moved to oak ridge. Her house had a tierswing made by my sister. I loved it there, it was a perfect time capsule until one night. We had just got there and i was playing with my binderoos as my sister was started getting yelled at by the mother. She was screaming, i think my sister threw a party or something. Then my sister got up just kinda talking her points out as the mother yelled and yelled then my sister started yelling. Then out if nowhere the one we've been calling mother, we'll now call "T" , slaped the glasses off of my sister. My sister looked shocked then left the house as T screamed. Now everytime id go over to her house shed make it seem like she was the good one, like he was evil. At this moment i knew for sure, neither of them where the good guys. So i grabbed my sisters glasses and fixed them with my bendaroos. What makes it worse is that my sister came to her house after being abused at mamaws. She knew that and still hurt my sister.

I never stopped smiling. I always knew itd get better.

Age 12 , the step brother sent false claims about my sister, leaving it to wear we couldn't see her for months that felt like years

She tought me that no one could tell me i wasnt what i wanted to be, even if it was a ninja . She tought me to fight ,how to get out of trouble, and told me stories of her stealing at my age. I only ever stole food or tiny things as we rarely had any

And now people at mamaws started ordering me around more , getting meaner , or perhaps they where always mean i just didnt care enough to catch it

I also watched harry potter for the first time and related very VERY much.

2012

We left that house with the creek and that step mother and where off to live at mamaws

Which i loved dearly as ut was the only place i was allowed to exist with out being hit or pushed or screamed at and i could go online

I descovored i love 50s music and shane dawson

I also started going to the elementary school across the street. Now with schools over the years, at first i just didnt care because it was easy and boreing, then it began where i couldnt pay attention as hard as i tried. Id look at a book and have a whole movie in my head playing about a magic book or something where ozzy Osborne came to my school to sing crazy train and hug me ...which i thought about a lot. Then the teacher would call me out for not paying attention, but it was never on perpous id just check out.i also had a habbit of always having teachers who hated me like one time in like first grade a teacher said i was in trouble and moved my car back (which was a paper car on a paper road that youd get rewarded for if you got far or punished if you got taken back). When she did that, i made it obvious that i gave no shits by sitting and saying nothing as she yelled. Hen she moved it firther back when seeing no reaction from me. Then further. Then straight up just called the father who we'll now call V. To another teacher who lout laud to the class said her dog writes neater than i.So my grades where never too good

From 2012-2014

Every morning for school at mamaws id get a little coffee, watch a little of the morning news, then head off

Every night i could, id watch boondocs or family guy with my little cousin who was basically my little brother at this point and drink some chocolate milk

Every other week, i think, we'd get our allowance and go to the same walmart on fridays to spend it

It was the most like a family sitch i think id ever had

I remember my first day of middle school, and listening to "makes me happy" by drake bell on the bus, even coming back to do homework and eat butterscotch chips for cookies

That being said after being there until middle school me and the other brother was taken by V to see his new house

I didnt want to go nor stay and i made that very clear. Something seemed,,off.

Then sure enough on the way there v told us he got back with the step mother we'll call the L (hehe)

And that they're now renting the house we're going to together

It was hell, i had to share a room with that step sister , it was back to rarely having enough to eat, virbal abuse, and general bullshit all the time

On top of that, because in oak ridge the age for middle school was one year below the requirement for this new town , i was sent back to an elementary school

[conanenable-blog]

Finished part 1 today which was the english proficiency component. You could say it was tough or not depending on how you viewed it.

I am really concerned about my loose stools. It hasnt gotten any better. I cant quite identify if there is a food source. There are days when it is fine but more often than not its loose. Maybe 3-4 times a day. I think if it doesnt resolve this time in HK I will visit my GP. It doesnt make much sense tho I dont see blood nor do I have any other symptoms. I dont even have abdominal pain just the occasionally increased sensation that i need to poop. I used to poop 1-2x a day. I hope its just the anxiety with the exams etc.

Anyway I didnt end up talking to anyone. Im sure quite a number of these guys have past papers urgh. There was a china man blatantly cheating before the test started. He basically opened the question book and looked at it. I was like wow. I think this is a cultural difference. Its kinda what you are used to right? Im sure if everyone did that around me and it wasnt stopped I would have been doing that too.

Anyway. The exam was 4 parts. First 2 were true and false 10 questions each and the latter 2 were open ended.

First question was just refering to an attached guideline and true and false. Second was reading an article on sleep and true and false. 10 points each. Minus one for incorrect. I should have all 20 points here so i would have passed.

Of course there is space for carelessness.

The other part surprised me a little because I assumed it was only an english proficient test. But remarkably it was two cases.

The first made me quite worried. It was a 30yom with loose stools 4xday plusminus hematochezia x 3weeks with weightloss. Ok fine there is the hematochezia component. Quite different from me. But anyway it asked for ddx. Which for me was bacterial viral parasitic celiac lactose ibd ibs cancer less likely pud fissure hemorrhoids. And what questions would you ask. I was a little confused because the history provided was pretty sufficient so i assumed it meant pmh psh meds all fhx shx.

It was only worth 5 points so i dont know where they grading this.

Then the second 5 points was to write a letter of referral. Well i know where im being referred to but i have no idea how to write a letter. Ive just called them usually...

So i just wrote. Thanks for taking care of our last pt would appreciate if you can help with this too. Basically gave them the blurp plus my brief ddx of ibd v cancer and said i was attaching a few studies. And opened up to further questions.

Last question was apparently salmonella typhi bacteremia because they gave the lab results. They asked for ddx and workup and treatment prior to the lab results and basically since it was abd pain plus fever with neg cxr i decided to panculture plus possible us gb ovary and appendix if labs indicated.

I didnt really know whether i was gonna treat without a source but since the labs came back positive i decided to just say i was treating from the offset with broad spectrum given high fever.

The second part was filling out a lab sheet to report infections disease. Salmonella is typhoid fever right? What annoyed me was that there was a section to fill the hospital code and there was a couple numbers here and there and i didnt knpw which one it was. Then there was also the reporters phone and fax whixh wasnt listed anywhere so i just crossed it out. The ordering doctor was also YOUR, Name and i couldnt figure out it that meant to use my real name or YOUR, Name. I asked but the invigilator who was an old lady who didny rewlly speak english clearly wasnt going to be too helpful because she thinks this is some sort of english proficiency thingy.

I just left it as your name. I just found it very odd that i was very impressed theu would go double blind the examiners and examinees and end up having uou write your real name on the paper. They double blind because each examinee has a number but on the ansee booklet uou only put your table number which is different everyday so clearly ita double blinded.

Anyway she wouldny answer me and I had already double checked so i submitted it around 45mins early and left. The walk was long i fulfilled my steps already. I wont be wearing dress shoes next time. Super uncomfortable.

I went back ro mong kok its wuite a trip 45mins. Google was pretty accurate i was impressed. Puf my stuff down changed my shoes and went for lunch. Just across the street there was a small shop. Had beef tendon noodles for 21 bucks. Wth. It was a small bowl but decent size and 21 bucks is kinda cheap. Felt the tendon wasnt cleanest had some small hair left on it which i scrapped off. But at 21 bucks cant complain. Then bought soy sauce chicken rice for dinner. 35 bucks. Wtf. So cheap. Was scammed last time round 54 bucks wow. Different shop fronts tho. This one was clearly super old school the man was just naked and sweating lol.

Then had a uni handroll 38bucks. Wow. Smallest vut most expensive. So it was a nice photogeaphic piece but there was bitterness to it. Its a big nice looking. Too bsd its bitt3r. Not sure it i want it again. Bitter is rewlly a disappointment for uni. Not sweet is the minimum.

Also bought conditioner and face wash. Plan to just regurgitate all these graphs and tables in my head today. Its already quite memorized.

Then walk through first aid and the 2016 2017 maybe 2015 papers over the weekend. Also adjusting my sleep schedule to a more regular wake up.

[fanfic-factory]

Love at First Sight (Chapter 36)

p.o.v Rachel i woke up the next morning in my room. 'well thats a bit weird. i guess rocky brought me home at some point last night while was sleeping. anyways checked my phone to find a text from rocky that said good morning. i mean its nothing new. he texts me that every day. i then replied saying "thanks for driving me home last night babe!" i hit send and then went to get myself some breakfast. i walked in the kitchen and instantly smelled waffles. that literally made my morning because one of the many cravings i have been getting on almost a regular basis because of this pregnancy is a craving for waffles. Rocky and i have both been really busy lately with things so we haven't had the chance to k an appointment for an ultrasound but we decided we would go in today to see if we could get one because what set of parents wouldn't want to know if their baby is doing ok. so after breakfast i texted rocky to come pick me up so we could go for an ultrasound. p.o.v Rocky i got a text from rachel telling me to pick her up so we could go for an ultrasound. i then answered saying "ok" with that i grabbed the keys and headed off to rachel's house. When I got to Rachel's house she was already on the porch waiting for me. She got in the car and we headed on our way to the hospital. When we got to the hospital they were able to fit us in for an ultrasound. After the ultrasound we were told that the baby is healthy and everything is doing fine so far. After the ultrasound we got the ok to go home. On the way home I started to get really nervous for the surprise I had planned for Rachel back home. I also know that it's not like me to get nervous. I mean I wasn't exactly nervous when I gave Rachel her promise ring months ago. I know it was only month ago that I gave her that promise ring but now I feel I'm ready to tie the knot for real and I hope that she is too. P.o.v Rachel Rocky has been acting weird ever since we got back in the car at the hospital. It's as if he's nervous or something which is completely odd because he never gets nervous. "Babe?" I said with a slightly worried tone. "Yeah babe?" He replied with his voice being kind of shaky. "Are you ok?" I asked him sounding really concerned. "Yeah why?" He asks with his voice all shaky. "no reason" i said deciding to just drop the subject. all of a sudden he made a face of relief. and then we pulled up to his house. we walked into his house to find that there was a candle lit dinner for two set up in their dining room. p.o.v Ryel Rocky had asked Riker ,Ross ,Ryland ,and i to get a romantic candle lit dinner ready before him and Rachel got home. i thought it was sweet that he was donig this. i mean i knew it was going to happen eventually because rachel is carrying his child after all. im so excited because not only am i going to have a sister in law but i am also going to be Auntie Rydel. i absolutely can not wait! we had just finished getting the candle lit dinner ready abd had the lights dimmed down when Rachel and Rocky walked through the door. Rachel's jaw dropped. "and that is our cue to leave" i whispered to my brothers excluding Rocky. With that Riker, Ross, Ryland, and i grabbed our jackets, Riker grabbed his keys and we left the house. p.o.v Rachel Rocky and i walked into the house to find a candle lit dinner for two set up in the dining room. as soon as i saw it my mouth dropped. our dinner was already set out which is good because with a dinner this fancy it would be odd if we served ourselves. after i finally closed my mouth from being in awe of how amazing everything looked we sat down and began to eat while we talked. we talked about absolutely anything that came to our minds. at one point Rocky began to get really shaky and nervous again. i decided to just shrug it off though. we kept talking and then rocky said "Rachel i would like to ask you something but first i need to say soimething." i looked at him confused "ok?" i replied. He ignored my comment and began talking. "When i met you in front of that starbucks i knew right from that point that i had just met the love of my life" i know he probably wasnt near done talking but he already had me near tears. " i know we have had our ups and downs and that its already stressful with the baby on the way and everything but i want to spend the rest of my life with you." i was practically bawling at this point to the extent that i couldnt even see Rocky. he then got down on one knee and said "Rachel Eileen Carroll, Will you marry me?" with that he stood up straight and i jumped into his arms and then he slipped an absolutely gorgeous engagement ring on my finger. after that we decided we would have a few of our close friends and family over to celebrate.

[bpdfoxmulder]

im isolating myself but like. its not like anyone cares like someone maybe does a little bit but like. lets see. im gonna rant a looot under the cut im sorry

best friend abandoned me months ago an di still think abt her every fucking single day and i never got closure and it. hurts like hell

the first irl friend i had made in like......... idk years?? decided to leave me behind and it hit me so fucking hard tht i almost killed myself (after attempting very recently)

other best friend is not having the best of times even tho they said it got a bit better  in their last text but like i cant ansdwer them bc 1. if i open whatsapp i think abt my irl friend who left me and like the fucking idiot i am i go rereading our last conersation when she told me we shouldnt be friends anymore. 2. im so sos o scared theyll leave me too im like. i cant do it i cant i wnat to disappear and the only ways i can do tht is isolating mysekf abd killing myself haha im so fucked also i mthe worst friend in the world but i just cant

friend who said she was gonna be there for me and after i told her not to ignore me esp after i attempted suiide bc im v fragile................ well she ignored me for TEN days like. do u know how fucking long that is TEN DAYS like our last convo was “i gotta go to class brb ily” “ily2!” and theb. she never was “right back” lmao instead she didnt message me for t e n days abd now shes like i havent forgotten abt u i promise LIKE UHM OKAY U KNOW I HAVE BPD. u know i was abandoned by my best friend. u know i attempted suicide. but ALRIGHT IM JUST SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE U WERENT IGNORING ME im just supposed not to feel betrayed and ignored and fuckignf abandoned. lmao sure. so ofc im ignoring her too.

other friend is checking on me every day which is. nice even tho theyre doing it mostly bc they cant handle people close to them dying so. they dont want me to kms bc of that. idk i think theyre great but??? i dont trust them??? bc all my friends always leave me so why shouldnt they leave me too U K NOW lmao

other friend messaged me some days ago to check on me and like. tbh hes always been so kind to me and he doesnt deserve me ignoring him like AT ALL i feel like complete shit doing it but. again. cant trust him. also my brains like “yeah sure he checked on u but he doesnt seem too worried that u havent answered so does he REALKY care or is he actually secretly relieved that he doesnt have to put up with u??”

my therapist. jesus. i feel like she hates me. i bailed on her for 2 weeks ib a row and im, having LOTS of trouble trusting her and i told her and like. i know she cares but... she must be so fucking tired of me like i called her the day my irl friend left me and she tried to caln me down but i just kept saying “i cant i canbt i cant” so she told me to go to the hospital and i did but like. yesterday i didnt manage to call her when i was bad and i relapsed and i feel like killing myself every day and i cry and stay in bed all day every day and i just. cant trust her so i dont call her and i feel guilty but idk what to do

talking abt going to the hospital. my mum was the one who took me there. she talked to my therapist who i suppose told her my life was in danger or smth and.... god. my mum was so angry. she kept screaming at me things like there are kids who dont have food there are ppl who dont have their arms anymore and u feel bad?? and like... i told her i felt abandoned and she was like there are people without their family you have us and u have the courage to ssay u feel abandoned?? she told me i cant always react like this and i couldnt explain tht i cant control my reaction like later she was like u think i dont have problems? and i tried to tell her that i know she does but she doesnt have an illness like i do that makes me react in a certain way to things that to her seem managable in healthy ways. but she doesnt understand bpd she doesnt understand mental illness. and she said such mean things abt my therapist so did my father they were like why do u talk to her she just damages u shes bad for u stuffvlike that and.. tbh i donteven remember all the mean things my mum yelled at me and even if she kind of apologized i still feel very guilty and just. bad

in conclusion. i cant trust anyone. i want to kill myself every day but i dont even have to energy to leave my bed. im isolating myself so no one else can hurt me. and now im gonna cry myself to sleep bci wont be able to avoid thinking abt all the things that remind me of the friends who left me